Top Ten Love Songs That NEVER Work

Our previous list of the Top 10 Love Songs That Always Work may not always work for you (but I promise they won’t do any major damage). These ten songs, on the other hand, are like inviting your boss to your house for an intimate Valentine’s Day Dinner for three: they’re not known for their aphrodisiac qualities.

#10. Air Supply – “Making Love Out of Nothing at All”

Play this song on V-Day and you’ll be making a bed out of two kitchen chairs and a folded up parka.

#9. America – “Muskrat Love”

I’m an America fan and even I know better. “Muskrat Suzie, Muskrat Sam.” Thirty years hence and I still don’t get it.

#8. Andy Willliams – “The Theme From Romeo and Juliet (Where Do I Begin)”

OK to play if your Valentine is your Mom.

#7. Anne Murray – “I Just Fall in Love Again”

However, it will not be with you.

#6. Bonnie Tyler – “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

As you can see, this song does not include “love” in the title. Don’t let that give you a false sense of security: it will dampen the mood like a snowball in your drawers.

#5 Climax Blues Band – “I Love You”

Are you familiar with these guys? They rocked. But not here.

#4 Bruce Springsteen – “Tunnel of Love”

From the same album that included “Brilliant Disguise,” this is a bad song briliantly disguised as something by Bruce Springsteen. To to this day, I’m convinced this is actually [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band[/lastfm].

#3. Chicago – “Will You Still Love Me?”

Not if you play this song, I won’t.

#2. Edison Lighthouse – “Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes”

Unless your honey’s named Rosemary (or you’re still wearing platform shoes and Jordache jeans), this one absolutely will not work.

#1. Ian & Sylvia – “The Jealous Lover”

Someone dies here, I’m pretty sure, and that’s just the beginning of the problem. Sylvia’s tortured voice will kill any and all libido within a 50-mile radius.

So bad, it’s not even on YouTube.

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